HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK was optioned for film by Sony. It has been translated into Italian, German, and Japanese.

HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK (Ten Speed Press / Random House) is a survival guide that will save not only your life, but the lives of your children and loved ones. Congratulations on taking this important step toward safety and a gnome-free life. (Buy it here on Amazon!) In 2020 alone, there were 987 attacks recorded by the Gnome Attacks Hotline based out of Berlin, Germany. Don’t bother asking your local authorities about these attack–they can’t corral the data like we can. The fact is that if the public knew about how many gnomeowners are mauled and attacked each year by their own statues, the public would erupt into mass chaos.

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is a humor book (satire), released in fall 2010 and has been featured by such media outlets as Reader’s Digest, USA Today, The New York Times, Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and AOL News. The book has been translated into Italian, German, and Japanese.

Upon the book’s release, it was in the top 10 humor books in the country sales-wise, alongside two Chelsea Handler books as well as titles by Tucker Max, Max Brooks, Seth Grahame-Smith, and the Harvard Lampoon.

The Possible Film Adaptation (Sony Pictures)

In summer 2011, Sony Pictures Animation as well as director Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump, Cast Away) optioned the film rights to the book. This news was covered by places like Variety, IMDB,, The Hollywood Reporter, and many more.



This video above will show you how to gnome-proof your office.



Gnome News, Interviews, Coverage, & Curiosities:

For years, the book has been featured prominently in the National Spy Museum in Washington, D.C. Very cool!

HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK on a Barnes & Noble endcap for Halloween.

January 2021: Quite a thrill to see that, as of now, the book has an amazing 5-star rating from more than 600 Amazon reviews. A special moment for me.

My book in a random shop in Washington State. It’s such a thrill when people send you pictures of your book in random places.

My dog, Graham, clearly oblivious to that fact that this gnome is very dangerous.

The German language version of the book in a store in Germany. Quite a thrill to see.

Coverage of the book in Reader’s Digest. The book also received coverage from the New York Times, USA Today, AOL News, Buzzfeed, Wired, The Hollywood Reporter, and many more.

Finding the book at an Urban Outfitters location in Las Vegas.

In an independent bookstore display.

Featured in an independent bookstore in Ohio.

Story about the book in a Cincinnati newspaper.

At a Barnes & Noble.

At a writers conference with an attendee who bought the book.

At a Barnes & Noble in Indiana.

The Japanese language cover! I love this image.

The UK version of HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK from Ebury Press, seen here at Joy in the Waterloo (London) rail station.

Random image find online — credit Janet Bachman. I love how these copies are packaged!

Random image found online of a woman celebrating her anniversary with her husband by reading the book. Credit Peter Bugbee.

Random image found online. Credit to This Little Blog.

At a store in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho.

A book signing sign for an event near Cleveland.

Cool random image I found online. Credit: Four Cats in the Kitchen.

On the front display at a Borders bookstore location.

Signing copies — several years ago at a book fair.

On a Borders endcap.

Coverage of the GNOME book in the New York Times.

Super rare Italian version of the book.

At the original book release party at Joseph Beth Booksellers in Cincinnati.

Fun tweet I found.

Someone tweeted this photo of the book from a store in Carmel by the Sea in California.

Coverage of the book in Cincinnati Magazine.

The book in the wild in Washington, DC.

A bookstore getting customers pumped up for a book signing.

The book in the wild in Tucson, AZ.

Coverage of the book in the Cincinnati Enquirer.

A funny Q&A with me in Gardening Magazine, as I explain what a danger garden gnomes really are.

Probably the largest collection of GNOME ATTACK books I ever saw outside of a bookstore. I encountered this stack of books when keynoting a writers conference. All attendees got my book as a gift. That was pretty darn cool.

Signing copies of HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK at a book fair.